Top Ten Homework Tips for Parents

Homework can be extremely difficult for all kids, especially those with learning difficulties. Half the day at school can be draining enough as it is, and a lot of children have trouble spanning their attention across the full day. Some children struggle with organization, leaving their assignments at school. It's often frustrating for some getting homework done at home, and the frustration just makes it worst.

So here are ten great tips for guiding your child with their homework.

1) Have your child do their homework in the same place every night. It may take some getting used to, but even in college maintaining the same lesson and test taking environment is said to do wonders. This can really help your child keep his or her attention. Make sure it has plenty of light and is far enough away from other stimuli (sounds, the television).

2) Every school year, assist your child in creating a school supply list. Especially if your child is disorganized; they may need help or guidance early on. Get them a calendar book with large spaces to write assignments in (those small ones can be annoying to use, I personally never had small hand writing). Then can use this in leu of the agendas most schools hand out, and if you let them design it chances are they'll use it.

3) Consistency can't be stressed enough. Make sure your child is doing their homework at the same time every night. Don't let up on this. It has to be a time with no distractions, no interaction and no TVs blaring in the room. This is something you might have to impress for a while, but it's worth it.

4) A way to help your child keep organized is to have them keep an index card for the front pocket of their bag with everything written down that they'll need that day for homework. Make sure they pack up their bags the night before school, and another great tip is to color code

5) Mnemonic phrases are a sure fire way to help your kids remember concepts. For example, students remember the notes on a music staff by reciting the mnemonic phrase "All Good Boys Do Fine".

6) If your child often gets fatigued during their homework section, short breaks are completely fine and can help if kept in check.

7) This tip is referred to as "chunking", it's not waiting until Thursday night to do Friday's assignment. If it's a large assignment, assist your child early on in completing it in increments and they should catch on to how much easier it is than to cramp.

8)  Praise your child for finishing their homework, and doing a good job, either verbally or with a hug or high five.

9) Have them write a contract. "I, Jayden, will do my homework at 5pm every night, and after I finish I can watch TV." If they write it, they'll feel ownership over it, which is good to instill in children early on. And hopefully they won't break it because they wrote it.

10) Purchase an hour glass for them. It will give them a concrete sense of time (if it isn't a distraction). They can see how much time they have left, which can often get them back on track if they dose off.

Teaching Pragmatism to a Child

While your child is learning to speak, it's important instill a sense of pragmatism, or, realism, in them. A good practice to instill this early is to teach them to value objects, be independent thinkers, and to learn self-respect as well.

I hope you like some arts and crafts. This is a great exercise to instill these traits. Help them build and decorate a "treasure box", a place for them to keep their favorite belongings. Speak with them about why it's so important to keep these objects safe, and to know where they are. This will help to instill a sense of value to objects in a child.

Let them create it, let them do what they want with it. This will foster independent thinking. Arts and crafts are a great exercise for young parents to practice with their early speakers and they work wonders for their creativity as well as their self-esteem. You can purchase tiny boxes or even larger shoe boxes at about any dollar store, as well as crafts for your and your child to play with.

Your child will remember his box and what it taught him. Understanding the value of objects, self-esteem and independence are crucial during development. So make it fun. The funner you make it, the more your child will remember it. 

How to Promote Healthy Self-Esteem in Your Child

A lot of children, for one reason or another, lack self-esteem and aren't sure how to build it. Raising one's self-esteem comes through realizing one's self-concept (a person's perspective of themself). Children with disabilities especially lack self-esteem, struggling academically, physically, and socially. It's imperative that parents of children with disabilities know how to promote self-esteem in them. In fact, all parents can benefit from reading this post and learning ways to promote self-esteem in their children - disabled or not. If a child grows up lacking self-esteem, it is likely they will find trouble in producing this self-esteem later on in life. It's a parent's job to instill a positive self-concept in their child, no matter their amount of "faults". Here are some tips for parents to help promote self-esteem in their children. They seem self-explanatory and obvious, but a lot of parents are so busy and wrapped up in their careers that they forget how important this is.

Tell them they're special. Children need to feel special at an early age, to feel that they have worth for the world before they're blindly thrown into it and expected to shine. The world can be a harsh place, and research suggests that having at least 1 caring parent helps a child become resilient (Prince, 1). What are your child's strengths? Focus on them, dwell on their strengths as opposed to their weaknesses. Of course, don't forget to help your child overcome their weaknesses, and teach them to be proud of such accomplishments. But showing a child how special it is to have said strengths will push them to follow their drives and goals: a crucial attribute (being true to one's drive) in every individual. Children who lack a path or a drive in life often feel conflicted, as if they're being pulled by society to be one thing and by themselves to be another. This inner-dissonance can cause such feelings as anxiety and depression. So, make sure you verbally praise your child for their strengths, and make sure they know they're special.

Teach them to cope. Self-esteem correlates with problem-solving skills. Firstly, it's important that you, as a parent, not always be a "parent". Be your child's confidant when they need one. As kids grow older, they face situations that parents dread. But just because you dread your child dating doesn't mean they won't. Don't show your child your natural fear. Don't tell them "you'll understand when you're a parent." Teaching a child to cope with his or her own problems is like cutting the umbilical chord way late in life, but it must be done. A good way to do this is to role play with your child. Create a dilemma (ie: your child's new popular friend smokes and offers him/her a cigarette, they don't want to take it but at the same time, they don't want their friend to think they're "uncool"). Then, brainstorm ways to get out of the situation (ie: "I'd rather not smoke, I don't like the taste. But thanks for the offer" - your child may want to maintain the friendship and their lungs simultaneously). Role-playing and practicing sets them up for the real world.

Watch what you say to them. "You need to try harder." Think about how a child hears this phrase in comparison to this: "We need to find a better way to help you learn." Every child is still in the making, and your help means the world to them. Be positive and helpful with the ways in which you push them. You can't be afraid to push your child in the right direction, but make sure you don't hurt their feelings in the attempt. This will only create negative feelings and/or a negative self-concept, which will only exacerbate the issue and not help your cause at all. I know, all children reach that dreaded age where they don't want any help at all from their parents. But showing them you're authentic interest in solving their problems early on will show them that you are a confidant and outlet for help while it's in demand.

Show that you care. It can be frustrating for parents to work with a child who has a learning disability, but frustration on your end only creates frustration on theirs as well. Show them how much you care, not through frustration, but through empathy. If you show them that you understand what he/she is going through, they are much more likely to keep trying.

Give them some control. Avoid power struggles with your child by giving them options for completing tasks. For example, provide them different options for places at home or at school where they can do their work. This will give your child a sense of control over their academic success, so they'll be proud when they succeed.

Leave your comparisons at the door please. Especially within the household. Don't compare your youngest to your oldest, your oldest to your youngest, or your child to another. Comparisons create envy in children, which isn't a particularly healthy way of encouraging betterment. A child should strive to succeed for themselves, not for someone else's benefit or to upstage another.

Emphasize the positives. Children with learning disabilities often feel that they cannot get anything right. So, it's imperative that parents and teachers take every chance they can get to emphasize a child's strengths and successes, no matter how trivial they may be. Positive reinforcement is scientifically proven to aid in success as opposed to punishment (emphasizing the negative).

Involve them in charitable work. Helping others, seeing what you can really do in terms of bettering someone else's life is a great way to build self-esteem. So, try to get your child involved in charitable work; teach them about important causes; find out which causes truly influence your child and take advantage of that. For example, if your child loves animals, get them involved in voluntary fund-raising events for animals.

These tips are not just important for parents of children with disabilities: all parents should follow these tips. Society is extremely pressing. Children are expected to find their niche at an early age, and even worst, many parents push their child into a niche only because it's what THEY want. Parents who push their children into activities they know their children dislike need to evaluate the positives and negatives of their actions. Childhood is meant for self-discovery, and attempting to mold and control every part of your child's development, as opposed to simply guiding it toward the right direction, can be a large mistake. Your child's happiness comes first, and if your child has yet to figure out what makes them happy, bring them around town. Help them figure it out. Don't sit back, but don't hover over. Don't squeeze the dove to death. Be a parent and a friend. Be a mentor and an authority figure. Find a balance, and have faith that your child will thank you later in life.

Resources

Prince, Audrey, M. E.d. "The Impact of Self-Esteem" Handy Handouts (2009): http://www.superduperinc.com/handouts/pdf/154_Self%20Esteem.pdf

Learning Social Skills Early On

For some children, social skills come naturally. They learn them vicariously through others: first, their parents and siblings, and later on, their peers. The umbrella phrase "social skills" includes a child's ability to communicate, problem-solving skills, decision-making skills, self-management and control, and relationships. Difficulties with social skills have several negative implications in one's life and can interfere with school, work, and life in general.

 

Poor social skills are very common in children with learning disabilities and especially nonverbal learning disabilities. Children who present serious difficulty with their social skills may have what is referred to as "pragmatic communication deficits". This develops with age. Early on, children with pragmatic communication deficits may display difficulties with physical communication; subsequently, they display verbal difficulties later on in life.

 

There are many red flags to determine if you should have your child evaluated for pragmatic communication skills. Physical difficulties include: poor eye contact (usually the first sign of a communication disorder), an inability or miscomprehension of socially appropriate conversational distance, body language that does not match speech (either too enthusiastic or no body language at all to facilitate context), or facial expressions that do not match speech (forgetting to smile, nod for approval). You can envision how this might make social relationships difficult. A dissonance between body language and context throws off the listener, which might deter a friendship in-the-making. It causes discomfort and confusion in the listener.

 

Verbal difficulties may include: an inclination to constantly talk about random topics, entirely irrelevant to a given conversation, a miscomprehension of when or how it is appropriate to interrupt someone else who is speaking, TMI (too much information) during initial encounters
(which might make the listener uncomfortable), trouble relating volume of voice to context, trouble receiving compliments or often insulting others without intent, trouble introducing one's self, avoiding groups and acknowledging others when entering a room.

 

Thinking difficulties may include: an inability to take into account another's emotional state before speaking (Can I see where you buried your dog today?), taking jokes or sarcasm literally, laughing or talking at inappropriate times or places, inability to pick up on cues to continue conversation, and an inability to "think" before "saying", which may result in insult to another or to one's self. (Spivey, 2)

 

Children with pragmatic communication deficits may have very little empathy: an attribute that is CRUCIAL to successful communication. Parents or caregivers can be the greatest role models for children if they work hard to be. They must learn to talk about behaviors and expectations. Here is a list of social skills that are imperative in a young one's life and are perfect for a parent to practice impressing on a young child they believe might be having difficulty in developing good communication skills...

•  Teach your child the importance of saying "please" and "thank you" while making appropriate eye contact
• Teach your child to deal with frustration appropriately, without yelling or acting out (be a role model on this one especially: if you get easily frustrated and act out, either learn to stay calm or be prepared for your child to do the same)
• Teach your child how to ask questions appropriately regarding touchy issues (How did your dog die?)
• Teach your child to accept responsibility for his/her own mistakes (it's also important to be a good role model for this one: if you are wrong, proudly admit it, and promptly)
• Teach your child ways to start or facilitate conversation appropriately, without interrupting
• Teach your child to accept "no" for an answer
• Teach your child to accept praise from others without "gloating"
• Teach your child how to greet others (familiar and unfamiliar) appropriately, with eye contact
• Teach your child the importance of following simple directions
• Teach your child about empathy, sympathy, and giving compliments
• Teach your child to seek attention when it's appropriate
• Teach your child to listen, respect the opinion of others even if they are different from their own or offensive to them, and finally, how to make and keep friends (Spivey, 2)

 

You were a child once before. You know how difficult it can be, but how EASY it can be at the same time to make new friends. It all depends on your own self-esteem, the way you communicate, and your hobbies. YOU are the biggest factor in aiding your child in developing successful social skills, and the earlier, the better.  



Resources

Spivey, Becky, M. E.d. "Why Is It Hard for Some Children to Learn Social Skills?" Handy Handouts (2009): http://www.superduperinc.com/handouts/pdf/144_Teaching_Social_Skills_to_Children.pdf



Laugh Your Way to College

Short blog today, but informative nonetheless! Humor is a great tool to integrate into your teaching stratagem: it teaches children to understand and use inferences and sarcasm, and helps them learn cause and effect. It also teaches them to think "outside the box" and not to perceive things so literally. Using humor around a child is a positive.

When children learn to integrate humor into the little, but growing language set they've already attained, this opens up a whole new world of fun and motivation to learn new, funny words and phrases. It's pretty simple. People love to laugh, and they especially love to make others laugh. Children feel a sense of reward when they make others laugh with them (not at them, as I'm sure you're well aware of).

And so, this sense of reward can be utilized to facilitate learning and strengthening memory. Try teaching a lesson in a humorous way. I bet they'll remember the lesson and be able to recall it easier than if you had taught them the lesson in a dry, humorless manner.

Using humor in speech therapy is also a great tool. If you're practicing articulation, try using funny tongue twisters. Quick repetition can create silly speech, making the child laugh and the lesson more memorable. If your child is just learning to read, pick out a book that's funny. As they learn to read it, they'll learn to practice narrative skills. They'll also pick up on the notion that fluency creates a greater comical response than dis-fluency, which will motivate them to practice their fluency. Another great practice is to teach kids words and phrases by pairing them with funny pictures. Again, a laugh creates a strong memory, and so this will strengthen word and picture association, facilitating memory of meaning.

Watching your child grow and develop into a little adult can be the funniest time period of your life. Utilize the humor in ways that foster learning and development! Thank me later.

Resources

Stuckey, Kevin, M. E.d., CCC-SLP. "Humor as a Learning Tool" Handy Handouts (2009): http://www.superduperinc.com/handouts/pdf/230_HumorandLearning.pdf



What YOU Can Do To Stop Bullying!

Bullying is becoming more and more a serious issue that needs to be tackled at every angle to stop. Teachers, parents, and children themselves all have the ability to discourage bullying, in school and out of school. We can agree to disagree that a long time ago, bullying was "the norm". Some parents thought their child being bullied was literally a part of their development. "It'll toughen him up," said Dad. This is so far from the truth it's disturbing. Being bullied can be seriously detrimental to one's health.

I have a friend who was bullied in High School. Why? She kissed a boy the other girls had hypothetically stamped as their own. The other girls would throw things at her, scream hateful words at her across the hall, pull her hair as she walked by...the works. It was horrid, and no one did anything about it. Six years have passed, and she's still dealing with the PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and Depersonalization Disorder she was diagnosed with after the year long ordeal of being bullied. She has identity issues and confides in almost no one about it (aside from her therapist and I). Granted, she would be happy I'm referring to her story, as long as it prompts parents to do something to stop this behavior in school.

Now, bullying has taken on a whole new form: over the internet. Children are cyberbullying each other, verbally threatening or insulting one another on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr...you name it. This is a form of bullying that might have even worst implications than direct bullying, since information posted on these social media outlets are available for the world to see.

When teenage suicide has risen almost threefold within the past few decades, then we know it's time to make our best effort to stomp out bullying once and for all. This week, everyone at Suffolk Center for Speech is sporting their "Bee" Nice T-Shirts and wrist bands, promoting a "Stop Bullying" campaign. I find it appropriate that I'm currently writing such a relevant blog post. Whether your child is being bullied, your child IS a bully, or your child witnesses bullying, all of this can negatively impact their growth and emotional development.

So, why do children bully each other? A common answer, and a pretty solid one in my opinion, is that bullies lack self-esteem. Bullying is simply a defense mechanism: it protects them from being bullied and empowers them (in a negative way; being feared by others does not make you special). If you suspect your child of bullying others, it's time you reevaluate just how you pose yourself as a role model. They may be taking after you. Or, they may not feel loved, and so, they believe it's easier to be feared. For a child, either or creates a feeling of empowerment, and it's a parent's job to teach their child right from wrong, with every chance they get. Don't let your child be a bully or be bullied. Don't let your child witness bullying and do nothing about it.



What Can You Do?

Communicate with your child on a regular basis. Find out about their social life: who they go to lunch with, who they spend recess with, who their friends are in the neighborhood and what they do "for fun". Use your parental intuition too. Frequent communication with your child will create a comfortable rapport for them to open up to you if they are having a run in with a bully, are bullying or seeing others be bullied. Act interested, not as if you MUST HAVE this information because you WILL DO something about it. Barreling down on your child for information will not get you anywhere, but displaying a simple interest in their daily activities will. Sit down while talking with them: make them feel like you're trying to be on their level, simply to get to know them and be involved in their life.

 

Be aware of the signs. They're pretty typical. Frequent complaints of headaches or stomachaches ("I can't go to school today, I don't feel well"), frequent losses of personal belongings, unexplained bruises, depression or anxiety, fear of school or the bus, avoidance of recess or school activities, bullying of siblings, difficulty sleeping or a decrease in academic grades (or a verbalized disinterest in their academics) are all very clear signs of a child who is being bullied. If you child is displaying these signs, or trying to hide them, get the truth. By any means necessary, get the truth. Call the school if need be; reach their teachers.

 

Be a role model for your child. Show them how you treat others. Point out to them how positive interactions beget positive reactions. Just don't use the word "beget." Children who look up to their parents are sure to emulate their positive behavior. Likewise, children who look up to their parents are sure to emulate their negative behavior as well (ie. bullying). You can even role-play with your child, creating a scenario in which they or one of their friends is being bullied. Brainstorm ways to face these situations head-on, without letting them boil over into violence. A child who is being bullied needs to show that they are not afraid (even if they are). Ignoring a bully might ward them off. Just make sure your child knows that a bully's words should leave no remark on their self-esteem, because the bully most likely doesn't know a thing about them. If the bully is violent, it's time for the school administrators to intervene and stop it at once.

 

Build confidence in your child. Get them involved in a club, or sports, to help them build their self-esteem. Encourage them to make friends at an early age. It's much easier to make friends the first day of school (while all the children are in the same boat) than it is later on, so before summer ends, teach them to make friends. Discussing common interests and allowing your child to invite others over is a great way for them to make friends. All children are looking for something to do after school aside from homework. So, if you have an extreme compulsion to keep everything white, as if you're living in a Lyscol commercial, GET OVER IT (mommy issues are coming out of me now). And make sure you tell your child how much you love them (but don't spill your love all over them in front of their new friends). When a child is young, they need to hear this frequently. It's imperative for their self-esteem. Point out their positives. If they're creative, tell them, if they're super smart, praise them, and if they're athletic, let them know how proud you are. When a child is young, their parents' opinions of them are held very high.

 

Involve the school if need be. Members of the school staff, such as the principal, guidance counselor, social workers, and teachers are there to make the environment safe for children to learn and grow in. They've most likely dealt with bullying in the past and have working strategies to stop a particular bullying situation and prevent future reoccurance. You can't be there for your child if they're being bullied, so make sure the school is, and don't stop until you're certain that the school is providing a safe place for your child. No child should have to deal with bullying on their own. If your child is being cyberbullied, screen-shot or print out what has been written on the web and bring it to the principal's attention. They will find a way to make it stop.

 

By all means necassary, don't let your child become a victim OR be a bully. This problem has yet to cease, and it's time we tackle it from every possible angle.

Resources

Hodgson, Amber, M.A., CCC-SLP. "Beat Bullying!" Handy Handouts (2010): http://www.superduperinc.com/handouts/pdf/280_Bullying.pdf

Why Unstructured Play is the Only Way

Unstructured play has no rules, no organization, no goals: sounds futile? Quite the opposite, actually. When a child plays without cause, tapping into his/her imagination, this promotes creativity and even fosters problem solving. It's also stress-free! But what has happened to it? I remember when I was a child (I'm 23 now) I used to play with my neighborhood friend every Summer day, shooting imaginary guns at each other, filling water balloons, circling his pool and creating a giant whirlpool. We did things for absolutely no reason, but we had fun. We saved the world a few times, also took it over I'm pretty sure. I rarely see children expand their imaginations this far anymore.

 

Unstructured play, according to the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, has dropped a whole 25% between 1981 and 1997. I'm out of date on this one aren't I. Just picture the steady decline and what it's like today. Now, computers and electronic games have taken over play time. Children assume rules of fake characters on their PS3s (no need to use your imagination for that), play by someone else's rules in order to reach different levels of "competency" (established by whoever programmed said game). Yeah, I guess this sounds fun. But I'd rather be outside in the sun, sporting a black cape and turning my friends into geckos with my super powers. As ridiculous as that sounds, there is a high implication that unstructured play advantages a child creatively much more than structured play. So, why the change?

 

A lot of parents today are simply afraid of letting their children go outside. It's no good, unless, of course, you reside in a dangerous neighborhood. Parents feel more secure knowing their child is sitting in bed playing video games rather than outside climbing trees. It's understandable, especially when your child opts out of unstructured play and wants to follow the zeitgeist and force you to buy them every new video game that comes out biweekly. But research suggests that children are losing out, big time, when they succumb to sitting in front of a screen all day, every day. When children are paying outside, using their imagination, they are actually developing real life skills, such as problem solving, sequencing, organization, social skills, compromise, empathy, sympathy, etc.

 

Unstructured play miniaturizes a child's world, enabling them to analyze and deal with it. It primes children for learning, allowing them to create their own games with their own rules, strategy, level of success and failure, etc. This actually prepares children for entering society and school.

 

It also teaches them how to handle stress and conflict. Think about when you were a child, when arguments would spark between you and other kids playing your imaginary game. Children learn to smooth over conflict, mediate, compromise and work as a team just by playing.

 

Unstructured play also provides problem solving skills, believe it or not. Aliens are entering our atmosphere? Not to worry. Our children can use their fake computer system to knock down their defense systems, then either negotiate a peace treaty, or attack the malevolent beings.

 

Free playtime promotes discovery, which is the basis of learning. While they're out there frolicking amuk, they're learning things about the world. Yes, grass stains. Yes, we can Shout it out.

 

And, finally, free playtime gives children a sense of power in a world where they're essentially powerless. This is one of the main reasons we used to love free, imaginative play time. We felt empowered. All day, children are under the authority of others. Give them a chance to be their own authority, safely in your own backyard. Let their imaginations run wild.

 

So, what can YOU do to implore your child to participate in unstructured play? Many children are already hooked on their iPads and XBoxes. For one, change your mindset. Your child doesn't require structure all day every day: give them the time they need to play. Let children drop extra activities that they no longer show an interest in, especially if it takes a large portion of their day away. They may need that time for play. So, if your child is pouting over the trumpet lessons you're forcing upon them, maybe it's time to put the trumpet down. Let your child be bored. Boredom will force a child to create his/her own creative playtime. Offer them open-ended toys such as blocks, dolls, old clothes, bouncy balls; these types of toys encourage open-ended, imaginative play time. Set TV and computer game timing limits. It might an extreme task breaking the iPad habit, so easy does it. Gather the neighbors with other children to find a safe place for them to engage with each other and save the world, and take turns watching each other's children.

 

Childhood is the time for self-directed, unstructured play, which bridges the gap between imagination and creativity. Don't let your child miss out on the endlessness of their imagination before it's plucked away from them. Catch them in the rye.

 

Sources

Spivey, Becky L., M.Ed. "Whatever Happened To Unstructured Play?" (2013): n. pag. Handy Handouts - FREE Educational Handouts for Teachers and Parents. Web. 01 Oct. 2013.