What YOU Can Do To Stop Bullying!

Bullying is becoming more and more a serious issue that needs to be tackled at every angle to stop. Teachers, parents, and children themselves all have the ability to discourage bullying, in school and out of school. We can agree to disagree that a long time ago, bullying was "the norm". Some parents thought their child being bullied was literally a part of their development. "It'll toughen him up," said Dad. This is so far from the truth it's disturbing. Being bullied can be seriously detrimental to one's health.

I have a friend who was bullied in High School. Why? She kissed a boy the other girls had hypothetically stamped as their own. The other girls would throw things at her, scream hateful words at her across the hall, pull her hair as she walked by...the works. It was horrid, and no one did anything about it. Six years have passed, and she's still dealing with the PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and Depersonalization Disorder she was diagnosed with after the year long ordeal of being bullied. She has identity issues and confides in almost no one about it (aside from her therapist and I). Granted, she would be happy I'm referring to her story, as long as it prompts parents to do something to stop this behavior in school.

Now, bullying has taken on a whole new form: over the internet. Children are cyberbullying each other, verbally threatening or insulting one another on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr...you name it. This is a form of bullying that might have even worst implications than direct bullying, since information posted on these social media outlets are available for the world to see.

When teenage suicide has risen almost threefold within the past few decades, then we know it's time to make our best effort to stomp out bullying once and for all. This week, everyone at Suffolk Center for Speech is sporting their "Bee" Nice T-Shirts and wrist bands, promoting a "Stop Bullying" campaign. I find it appropriate that I'm currently writing such a relevant blog post. Whether your child is being bullied, your child IS a bully, or your child witnesses bullying, all of this can negatively impact their growth and emotional development.

So, why do children bully each other? A common answer, and a pretty solid one in my opinion, is that bullies lack self-esteem. Bullying is simply a defense mechanism: it protects them from being bullied and empowers them (in a negative way; being feared by others does not make you special). If you suspect your child of bullying others, it's time you reevaluate just how you pose yourself as a role model. They may be taking after you. Or, they may not feel loved, and so, they believe it's easier to be feared. For a child, either or creates a feeling of empowerment, and it's a parent's job to teach their child right from wrong, with every chance they get. Don't let your child be a bully or be bullied. Don't let your child witness bullying and do nothing about it.



What Can You Do?

Communicate with your child on a regular basis. Find out about their social life: who they go to lunch with, who they spend recess with, who their friends are in the neighborhood and what they do "for fun". Use your parental intuition too. Frequent communication with your child will create a comfortable rapport for them to open up to you if they are having a run in with a bully, are bullying or seeing others be bullied. Act interested, not as if you MUST HAVE this information because you WILL DO something about it. Barreling down on your child for information will not get you anywhere, but displaying a simple interest in their daily activities will. Sit down while talking with them: make them feel like you're trying to be on their level, simply to get to know them and be involved in their life.

 

Be aware of the signs. They're pretty typical. Frequent complaints of headaches or stomachaches ("I can't go to school today, I don't feel well"), frequent losses of personal belongings, unexplained bruises, depression or anxiety, fear of school or the bus, avoidance of recess or school activities, bullying of siblings, difficulty sleeping or a decrease in academic grades (or a verbalized disinterest in their academics) are all very clear signs of a child who is being bullied. If you child is displaying these signs, or trying to hide them, get the truth. By any means necessary, get the truth. Call the school if need be; reach their teachers.

 

Be a role model for your child. Show them how you treat others. Point out to them how positive interactions beget positive reactions. Just don't use the word "beget." Children who look up to their parents are sure to emulate their positive behavior. Likewise, children who look up to their parents are sure to emulate their negative behavior as well (ie. bullying). You can even role-play with your child, creating a scenario in which they or one of their friends is being bullied. Brainstorm ways to face these situations head-on, without letting them boil over into violence. A child who is being bullied needs to show that they are not afraid (even if they are). Ignoring a bully might ward them off. Just make sure your child knows that a bully's words should leave no remark on their self-esteem, because the bully most likely doesn't know a thing about them. If the bully is violent, it's time for the school administrators to intervene and stop it at once.

 

Build confidence in your child. Get them involved in a club, or sports, to help them build their self-esteem. Encourage them to make friends at an early age. It's much easier to make friends the first day of school (while all the children are in the same boat) than it is later on, so before summer ends, teach them to make friends. Discussing common interests and allowing your child to invite others over is a great way for them to make friends. All children are looking for something to do after school aside from homework. So, if you have an extreme compulsion to keep everything white, as if you're living in a Lyscol commercial, GET OVER IT (mommy issues are coming out of me now). And make sure you tell your child how much you love them (but don't spill your love all over them in front of their new friends). When a child is young, they need to hear this frequently. It's imperative for their self-esteem. Point out their positives. If they're creative, tell them, if they're super smart, praise them, and if they're athletic, let them know how proud you are. When a child is young, their parents' opinions of them are held very high.

 

Involve the school if need be. Members of the school staff, such as the principal, guidance counselor, social workers, and teachers are there to make the environment safe for children to learn and grow in. They've most likely dealt with bullying in the past and have working strategies to stop a particular bullying situation and prevent future reoccurance. You can't be there for your child if they're being bullied, so make sure the school is, and don't stop until you're certain that the school is providing a safe place for your child. No child should have to deal with bullying on their own. If your child is being cyberbullied, screen-shot or print out what has been written on the web and bring it to the principal's attention. They will find a way to make it stop.

 

By all means necassary, don't let your child become a victim OR be a bully. This problem has yet to cease, and it's time we tackle it from every possible angle.

Resources

Hodgson, Amber, M.A., CCC-SLP. "Beat Bullying!" Handy Handouts (2010): http://www.superduperinc.com/handouts/pdf/280_Bullying.pdf

Core Curriculum vs. Common Core: How Would You Like Your Child to be Taught

"Core Curriculum"

Our schools follow the "Core Curriculum" standards, a textbook, standardized means of teaching. The "Core Curriculum" ensures that students learn material in accordance with their age or grade level. The "Core Curriculum" is eclectic, honing in on particular age groups and focusing standardized tests accordingly. Standards are set high for children, tests made difficult to an agreed upon degree, and some don't believe this is a positive. The Core Curriculum State Standards, instead of utilizing real input from parents or teachers with practical, hands-on experience, develops its standards from big corporations and government!

 

What is this about? You tell me. How do large corporations and government benefit from creating Core Curriculum standards, or, in other words, what our children are being taught? I'm not quite sure. But I can say one thing for certain: it rubs me entirely the wrong way. Large corporations (say, McDonalds) definitely benefit from a dumbed down population with little knowledge of nutritional value and the intellectual weight it deserves in America's over-eating attitude. Government could also benefit from a docile generation, taught not to question, to stray from creativity and gear toward more logical learning and thinking. How so? We won't question their legislation when they jeopardize our constitutional rights. I may sound cynical, but I'm merely voicing how many feel about this.

 

There are positives to this ever-changing "Core Curriculum" our children experience in and out of school. It evens out the playing field by raising expectations for all students, promotes critical thinking, and is increasingly progressive in its focus on collaborative and reflective learning. The fact that no two curricula are the same is definitely a positive. Every district has their demographic differences and it's important that we tailor our "way of teaching" to them, but I don't believe "what is taught" should differ: this creates a gap between demographics, a social stratification if you will which only perpetuates this status quo. If teaching a lesson to a monkey, penguin, elephant, goldfish, seal and a wolf is telling them to climb the same tree (standardized test) we're clearly doing something wrong.

"Common Core Curriculum"

On the other hand, we have the "Common Core Curriculum," developed its standards via an accumulation of input by state leaders, teachers, parents, school administrators, and experts across the country. These standards provide a consistent, clear understanding of what students are expected to learn. These standards are actually designed to be relevant to the real world, teaching kids what it takes to get into an established college, to find work, to be professional members of our future society. They teach skills necessary for a successful career, as opposed to merely having kids memorize and regurgitate a plethora of information (many times entirely irrelevant to the real world they're being "prepared" for) on a standardized test that stamps an IQ on their forehead (resume/CV). We pay a serious amount to have our children properly prepared for the future, yet academia has yet to take on this sort of platform: one that actually prepares students for future career prospects.

 

On the other hand, the "Common Core Curriculum" doesn't focus individually on demographics. Both affluent schools and schools in less-privileged areas teach the same curricula, evening out the playing field. Personally, I believe this at least prevents a perpetual social stratification, unlike the "Core Curriculum" our state strongly adheres to. Everyone should have the same opportunities. That is what our Founding Fathers wanted for us, and it's simply not there. Social stratification may always be present, but any chance we have to abridge the gaps between demographics, we as a society should make the choice to take. Again, this is my opinion, and many hold exactly the opposite opinion. It's very complicated, convoluted, confusing, but it's present and we can no longer look away. As parents especially, let's take control of how our children are being "prepared" for the real world. As individuals, we're weaklings. But as a growing group of intellects, we have the chance to get what we want. Core Curriculum vs. Common Core...which would YOU prefer your child follow.

Helping Your Child With Their Transition to a Bigger School

Making the transition from elementary school to middle school is often difficult for young students. Learning their way around a new, larger school, being presented with new challenges, and becoming acquainted with an entirely new staff can all be overwhelming. This is all true for any student, but is especially true for students with disabilities. Middle school is the time in a child's life where their adolescence begins: they face new challenges, academically and socially. Teachers can help this transition by fostering a child's feeling of independence while continuing to provide supportive learning strategies. The Suffolk Center for Speech has some tips for any parents with children making this transition, especially those with children who have certain disabilities that might exacerbate this big change.

Think about the challenges your child will encounter when transitioning from an elementary school to a middle school. The school will be larger, with more students. Now, each subject is taught by a different teacher, so the child must gain a rapport with a slew of different mentors as opposed to just one. There’s more homework and a more significant emphasis on grades. Students are also given new responsibilities, such as a locker; remember clothes for gym class, etc.

Remember, the ultimate goal is to promote a sense of independence in a child while still providing him/her with a structure for learning. Suffolk Center for Speech presents: ways that parents and teachers can make this grand transition from elementary school to middle school easier and less overwhelming.

·         Schedule Classes Intentionally: Program classes so that they are close together, making it easier for your child to find their way from class to class. Remember how nerve wracking it was thinking “I’m gonna be late, oh my god, where is room 134?” You can even print a map of the school and draw your child his/her route. If your child has disabilities, find teachers who work well with students with disabilities and try to get your child in classes with them.

·         Color Code binders for different subjects using a system (green for English, blue for Math, yellow for History etc.) This will help your child in organizing their day. This sounds pretty obvious, but we cannot express how important it is to foster organizational skills in a child beginning middle school. Also, have your child separate “Class Notes” from “Homework”.

·         Use a daily planner. If the school does not provide daily planners (most do) help your child create one. Organize each day in the planner by subject starting from first period to last period. *A good way to encourage a rapport between student/teacher: make it your child’s responsibility to have the teacher initial each assignment in their planner (after class) to ensure that they’re correct.

·         No Loose Papers: Students are bombarded with loose papers: homework, permission slips that require a parent’s signature, etc. Provide your child with a miscellaneous folder to keep all of these loose papers (instead of just throwing them in their book bag, like I still do). This will foster organizational skills. Make sure you purchase binders with folders inside and a ruler-hole puncher. Punching holes in homework is fun (it was for me, at least) and will motivate your child to stay organized.

·         Keep a textbook at home and at school. This tip is especially important for students with disabilities who might require at home tutoring. Textbooks can also be heavy to carry back and forth to school; having one at home can eliminate this annoyance. Check Amazon for used books that are inexpensive but still in good quality.

·         Teach routines to your child. Remember, drawing a route for your child could really help them feel less overwhelmed for their first week of school. I wish my parents did this for me. The first week of middle school was when I initially realized that I’m directionally challenged. After school, go over these routines with your child. A student must learn several different routines when entering middle school and you can help (hallway routines, organizational routines, opening his/her locker, what to put in his/her locker and when). A map of their school, a list of their textbooks (separated by weight, don’t let your child break their back because they forget to put textbooks in their locker), and a pinpoint on the map of where their locker is can really help you plan out an overall day-to-day routine for your new middle schooler to follow. They’ll appreciate it; trust me.

These seem like obvious tips but parents often forget how important they are to a student’s transition. There’s a certain time and place when a parent should put their hands up and let their child take the wheel. The transition from elementary school to middle school is not always one of them. Gauge your child’s feelings about the transition, and if you feel they’re more worried than excited, utilize these tips to help diminish this worry and encourage excitement. They’re not just turning the page: they’re opening an entirely new chapter in their life. Be in it.

Written by: Tim Strampfer