Learning Social Skills Early On

For some children, social skills come naturally. They learn them vicariously through others: first, their parents and siblings, and later on, their peers. The umbrella phrase "social skills" includes a child's ability to communicate, problem-solving skills, decision-making skills, self-management and control, and relationships. Difficulties with social skills have several negative implications in one's life and can interfere with school, work, and life in general.

 

Poor social skills are very common in children with learning disabilities and especially nonverbal learning disabilities. Children who present serious difficulty with their social skills may have what is referred to as "pragmatic communication deficits". This develops with age. Early on, children with pragmatic communication deficits may display difficulties with physical communication; subsequently, they display verbal difficulties later on in life.

 

There are many red flags to determine if you should have your child evaluated for pragmatic communication skills. Physical difficulties include: poor eye contact (usually the first sign of a communication disorder), an inability or miscomprehension of socially appropriate conversational distance, body language that does not match speech (either too enthusiastic or no body language at all to facilitate context), or facial expressions that do not match speech (forgetting to smile, nod for approval). You can envision how this might make social relationships difficult. A dissonance between body language and context throws off the listener, which might deter a friendship in-the-making. It causes discomfort and confusion in the listener.

 

Verbal difficulties may include: an inclination to constantly talk about random topics, entirely irrelevant to a given conversation, a miscomprehension of when or how it is appropriate to interrupt someone else who is speaking, TMI (too much information) during initial encounters
(which might make the listener uncomfortable), trouble relating volume of voice to context, trouble receiving compliments or often insulting others without intent, trouble introducing one's self, avoiding groups and acknowledging others when entering a room.

 

Thinking difficulties may include: an inability to take into account another's emotional state before speaking (Can I see where you buried your dog today?), taking jokes or sarcasm literally, laughing or talking at inappropriate times or places, inability to pick up on cues to continue conversation, and an inability to "think" before "saying", which may result in insult to another or to one's self. (Spivey, 2)

 

Children with pragmatic communication deficits may have very little empathy: an attribute that is CRUCIAL to successful communication. Parents or caregivers can be the greatest role models for children if they work hard to be. They must learn to talk about behaviors and expectations. Here is a list of social skills that are imperative in a young one's life and are perfect for a parent to practice impressing on a young child they believe might be having difficulty in developing good communication skills...

•  Teach your child the importance of saying "please" and "thank you" while making appropriate eye contact
• Teach your child to deal with frustration appropriately, without yelling or acting out (be a role model on this one especially: if you get easily frustrated and act out, either learn to stay calm or be prepared for your child to do the same)
• Teach your child how to ask questions appropriately regarding touchy issues (How did your dog die?)
• Teach your child to accept responsibility for his/her own mistakes (it's also important to be a good role model for this one: if you are wrong, proudly admit it, and promptly)
• Teach your child ways to start or facilitate conversation appropriately, without interrupting
• Teach your child to accept "no" for an answer
• Teach your child to accept praise from others without "gloating"
• Teach your child how to greet others (familiar and unfamiliar) appropriately, with eye contact
• Teach your child the importance of following simple directions
• Teach your child about empathy, sympathy, and giving compliments
• Teach your child to seek attention when it's appropriate
• Teach your child to listen, respect the opinion of others even if they are different from their own or offensive to them, and finally, how to make and keep friends (Spivey, 2)

 

You were a child once before. You know how difficult it can be, but how EASY it can be at the same time to make new friends. It all depends on your own self-esteem, the way you communicate, and your hobbies. YOU are the biggest factor in aiding your child in developing successful social skills, and the earlier, the better.  



Resources

Spivey, Becky, M. E.d. "Why Is It Hard for Some Children to Learn Social Skills?" Handy Handouts (2009): http://www.superduperinc.com/handouts/pdf/144_Teaching_Social_Skills_to_Children.pdf