How to Promote Healthy Self-Esteem in Your Child

A lot of children, for one reason or another, lack self-esteem and aren't sure how to build it. Raising one's self-esteem comes through realizing one's self-concept (a person's perspective of themself). Children with disabilities especially lack self-esteem, struggling academically, physically, and socially. It's imperative that parents of children with disabilities know how to promote self-esteem in them. In fact, all parents can benefit from reading this post and learning ways to promote self-esteem in their children - disabled or not. If a child grows up lacking self-esteem, it is likely they will find trouble in producing this self-esteem later on in life. It's a parent's job to instill a positive self-concept in their child, no matter their amount of "faults". Here are some tips for parents to help promote self-esteem in their children. They seem self-explanatory and obvious, but a lot of parents are so busy and wrapped up in their careers that they forget how important this is.

Tell them they're special. Children need to feel special at an early age, to feel that they have worth for the world before they're blindly thrown into it and expected to shine. The world can be a harsh place, and research suggests that having at least 1 caring parent helps a child become resilient (Prince, 1). What are your child's strengths? Focus on them, dwell on their strengths as opposed to their weaknesses. Of course, don't forget to help your child overcome their weaknesses, and teach them to be proud of such accomplishments. But showing a child how special it is to have said strengths will push them to follow their drives and goals: a crucial attribute (being true to one's drive) in every individual. Children who lack a path or a drive in life often feel conflicted, as if they're being pulled by society to be one thing and by themselves to be another. This inner-dissonance can cause such feelings as anxiety and depression. So, make sure you verbally praise your child for their strengths, and make sure they know they're special.

Teach them to cope. Self-esteem correlates with problem-solving skills. Firstly, it's important that you, as a parent, not always be a "parent". Be your child's confidant when they need one. As kids grow older, they face situations that parents dread. But just because you dread your child dating doesn't mean they won't. Don't show your child your natural fear. Don't tell them "you'll understand when you're a parent." Teaching a child to cope with his or her own problems is like cutting the umbilical chord way late in life, but it must be done. A good way to do this is to role play with your child. Create a dilemma (ie: your child's new popular friend smokes and offers him/her a cigarette, they don't want to take it but at the same time, they don't want their friend to think they're "uncool"). Then, brainstorm ways to get out of the situation (ie: "I'd rather not smoke, I don't like the taste. But thanks for the offer" - your child may want to maintain the friendship and their lungs simultaneously). Role-playing and practicing sets them up for the real world.

Watch what you say to them. "You need to try harder." Think about how a child hears this phrase in comparison to this: "We need to find a better way to help you learn." Every child is still in the making, and your help means the world to them. Be positive and helpful with the ways in which you push them. You can't be afraid to push your child in the right direction, but make sure you don't hurt their feelings in the attempt. This will only create negative feelings and/or a negative self-concept, which will only exacerbate the issue and not help your cause at all. I know, all children reach that dreaded age where they don't want any help at all from their parents. But showing them you're authentic interest in solving their problems early on will show them that you are a confidant and outlet for help while it's in demand.

Show that you care. It can be frustrating for parents to work with a child who has a learning disability, but frustration on your end only creates frustration on theirs as well. Show them how much you care, not through frustration, but through empathy. If you show them that you understand what he/she is going through, they are much more likely to keep trying.

Give them some control. Avoid power struggles with your child by giving them options for completing tasks. For example, provide them different options for places at home or at school where they can do their work. This will give your child a sense of control over their academic success, so they'll be proud when they succeed.

Leave your comparisons at the door please. Especially within the household. Don't compare your youngest to your oldest, your oldest to your youngest, or your child to another. Comparisons create envy in children, which isn't a particularly healthy way of encouraging betterment. A child should strive to succeed for themselves, not for someone else's benefit or to upstage another.

Emphasize the positives. Children with learning disabilities often feel that they cannot get anything right. So, it's imperative that parents and teachers take every chance they can get to emphasize a child's strengths and successes, no matter how trivial they may be. Positive reinforcement is scientifically proven to aid in success as opposed to punishment (emphasizing the negative).

Involve them in charitable work. Helping others, seeing what you can really do in terms of bettering someone else's life is a great way to build self-esteem. So, try to get your child involved in charitable work; teach them about important causes; find out which causes truly influence your child and take advantage of that. For example, if your child loves animals, get them involved in voluntary fund-raising events for animals.

These tips are not just important for parents of children with disabilities: all parents should follow these tips. Society is extremely pressing. Children are expected to find their niche at an early age, and even worst, many parents push their child into a niche only because it's what THEY want. Parents who push their children into activities they know their children dislike need to evaluate the positives and negatives of their actions. Childhood is meant for self-discovery, and attempting to mold and control every part of your child's development, as opposed to simply guiding it toward the right direction, can be a large mistake. Your child's happiness comes first, and if your child has yet to figure out what makes them happy, bring them around town. Help them figure it out. Don't sit back, but don't hover over. Don't squeeze the dove to death. Be a parent and a friend. Be a mentor and an authority figure. Find a balance, and have faith that your child will thank you later in life.

Resources

Prince, Audrey, M. E.d. "The Impact of Self-Esteem" Handy Handouts (2009): http://www.superduperinc.com/handouts/pdf/154_Self%20Esteem.pdf